Angel The Musical: Once More with Decent Writing
by David Pasco
Summary: A musical episode of Angel which makes about as much sense as most of the plotlines this season.
1. His Plan is Set in Motion

Angel the Musical

A Parody of a Formerly Fantastic Show by David Pasco

**DISCLAIMER **

Brad is not my own creation. Strega from the Television Without Pity website deserves all credit for the concept of Brad, which is explained  below in her own words

"Brad, you'll remember, is Spike's identical twin, who has a lot in common with Spike except that Brad is kind, and trustworthy, and not at all evil. You know: Brad! Boy, if Spike ever returns to Sunnydale and finds out how Brad has been ruining his reputation, heads are gonna roll. I can't wait for that episode! But Spike's off somewhere, reunited with Drusilla, having a good time killing people and causing mayhem. In the meantime, we've got Brad. Who's cute and all, and, let's not forget, very old, but he's just no Spike. Yes, my powers of denial are fearsome to behold. "

-Strega

  
  
_WE SEE THE TYPICAL "ANGEL" OPENING SCENE OF THE __L.A.__ SKYLINE, ZOOMING IN THROUGH THE BUILDINGS, TO **ANGEL** WALKING ALONE THROUGH THE BACK ALLEYWAYS_

HIS PLAN IS SET IN MOTION 

(tune of Going Through the Motions)

**ANGEL**  
Every Wednesday night, the same arrangement- crappy plots but real cool fights.  
We're all victim now, to Joss's derangement. He brought that damn Brad back, and that just ain't right.   
He made Buffy a hoe, and ruined her show, and took us down in tow  
And now his plan is set in motion, we're facing our demise, half this seasons lines involve me liking guys!  
  
The plots used to be grave, yet I was righteous, but now that's hardly lingering. Can this show be saved, or does my plight just-

  
**_JOSS WHEDON_**_ AND** MARTI NOXON** COME OUT OF THE DARK USING THE SAME LAME EFFECT THEY USED ON **SPIKE **IN ALL THE ANGEL SEASON FIVE TRAILERS  
  
_

**JOSS**  
(Cutting **ANGEL** off)  
Not mean a God damned thing  
  
**MARTI**  
'Cause now we're producing!  
  
**ANGEL**  
(Sarcastically)  
Oh. How exiting  
  


**_BRAD _**_(SPIKE) ENTERS THE SCENE IN THE SAME LAME DISPLAY IS SPECIAL EFFECTS USED TO BRING HIM BACK IN THIS SEASON'S PILOT_

**MARTI, JOSS, **and** BRAD  
**Last season went so well, viewers hopes were swelled, so we brought Spike back from hell  
And now our plan is set in motion, Angel faces his demise.   
  
**JOSS****  
**(Looking at **BRAD**)   
But I still got my eyes set on the prize! 

  
**_ANGEL_**_ STAKES **BRAD** RIGHT THROUGH THE HEART_

**ANGEL  
**I'm the cool vamp clad in leather!  
  


  
**_BRAD_**_ JUST STANDS THERE WITH THE STAKE PROTRUDING FROM HIS CHEST...NOTHING HAPPENS_

_CUT TO **DAVID** SITTING AT HOME WATCHING 'ANGEL THE MUSICAL'_  
  


**DAVID  
**He just staked you through the heart!

_  
**BRAD** THEN TURNS TOWARDS THE CAMERA_  
  


**BRAD****  
**(To **DAVID**)  
Whatever   
  
**DAVID  
**Why's this have to be?  
The plan is set in motion. We're facing out demise. Why cant Joss Whedon see? He sucks worse then Marti!   
They both screwed up royally on season five!  
  


**_BRAD_**_, **JOSS**, and **MARTI** are suddenly absent as **ANGEL** walks down the alley he walks down in the opening credits_

  
**ANGEL  
**(to himself no longer singing)  
You know, if this were two and a half years ago, I would be pretty weirded out right now, but now- I'm just happy it's not another blonde version of me, or creepy son this week.


	2. I've got a Story

_FADE IN ON JOSS, MARTI, BRAD, ANGEL, AND DAVID FURY SITTING AROUND THE SET OF ANGEL'S WOLFRAM AND HART OFFICE. _

**MARTI**

So, we just had Angel walk down the alley singing-

Where do you all see us going with this?

ANGEL 

Am I the only one who noticed how much better this show was when we actually wrote a whole script before we went to filming? 

MARTI 

Do you want us to bring Connor back?

ANGEL 

(quickly)

No.

Cut to **JOSS** sitting in his chair with **BRAD'S** head in his lap, sadly still connected to his body. **JOSS** is stroking **BRAD'S** lame bleached hair. 

**JOSS**

Then shut up.

**MARTI**

So.What next?****

(Tune of I've Got a Theory/Bunnies/If We're Together)

**JOSS**  
I got a story to get 'em steamin'   
We'll make Faith beamin' and..nah why not just make Spike bare?  
  
**MARTI**  
I got a story to get 'em steamin'  
We'll show Fred naked with a strange lack of pubic hair  
  
**BRAD**  
I got a story where Angel 'comes out'  
  
**JOSS, MARTI, **and **BRAD**  
These plots are dreary, but have no fear we know it will make viewers pout  
  
**DAVID FURY  
**We'll make it bitchin'!   
'Last season' bitchin'!  
Which is preponderous 'cause Angel he went evil and the plot was dark and that was wrong 'cause nobody went queer...  
**BRAD**  
I got a story:   
We'll bring back Buffy.

  
_EVERYONE REMEMBERS THAT THE ONLY REASON **BRAD** IS ON ANGEL IS BECAUSE SARAH QUIT AND DIDN'T WANT TO COMMIT TO A TV SHOW WHICH BLOWS. THEY ALL LOOK AT **BRAD** LIKE HE'S CRAZY_

**ANGEL**  
I've got a--  
  
**BRAD**  
Buffy's really just a girl with a case of psychosis!  
  


**BRAD** then whips off his leather coat and throws it towards the camera as the coat flies past the camera is covers the lens and serves as a wipe to the new scene of **BRAD** dressed as a doctor in a mental hospital. (**BRAD** can be a doctor, you know, because he has a soul) other doctors circle him raising their arms and torsos up and down bowing before him in worship

BRAD 

(pointing to himself)  
She fucked up mentally and dreams up that she boned this!  
So if dreamt the whole thing  
Then why do we exist without her anyway?

THE DOCTORS ALL DISAPEAR IN PUFFS OF SMOKE AT THE COMPLETION THE WORD "ANYWAY"

BRAD 

  
Buffy!   
Buffy!   
We'll bring back Buffy!

_  
CUT TO EVERYONE SITTING IN THE OFFICE LOOKING AT **BRAD**, WHO IS NOW BACK IN HIS __NORMAL__ CLOTHES, SANS THE COAT_

_EVERYONE STILL LOOKS AT **BRAD**_

**BRAD**  
Or maybe Warren  
  
**DAVID FURY**  
I got a story we could kill off Brad  
  
**ANGEL** and **DAVID FURY**  
It'd be real gory, oh, the glory!   
No one would be sad!

  
_THE DOOR TO THE ROOM OPENS AND IN WALKS **SPIKE**.__ NO, NOT **BRAD**, **SPIKE**._

**SPIKE  
**I got a story--  
(looks at **ANGEL** and stops)  
Wow you got fatter.  
  
What'll it take to make this better   
To forget Buffy and who will bed her   
Crappy Plots.  
We've all been there  
The writers drug trips--  
(Spike looks at Angel again, even more dumbfounded then before...)  
Mate, what's with your hair?  
**ANGEL, SPIKE, **and **DAVID FURY**  
  
Why's this show suck worse by the minute?  
Joss, why'd you get back involved in it?  
It make viewers cry!  
Rips off Anne Rice!  
Won't let Brad die...  
  
**SPIKE  
**Hey that'd be nice!

**_SPIKE_**_ THEN PUNCHES **BRAD** UNCONSCIOUS_

**ANGEL, SPIKE,** and **DAVID FURY**  
What'll it take to make this better?  
To end the steam of hateful letters.  
No show ever suck worse   
  
**SPIKE**  
(softly into **JOSS'** ear)  
Except for 'Buffy'...


	3. Oh, Bloody Hell

_Pan over to **BRAD'S** unconscious body. Show time passing by showing the sky change from night to morning in the window above him. **BRAD** wakes up and groggily sits up **JOSS WHEDON** is sitting in a chair admiring him. _

**BRAD**

What the bleeding hell happened?

**JOSS**

Spike hit you, My Precious.

**BRAD**

But aren't I Spike?

**JOSS**

No, your Brad, the Uber Spike

**BRAD**

I so don't get this.

**JOSS**

Let me explain

JOSS suddenly picks up a guitar and starts to play the guitar part of the song Under Your Spell

(Tune of Under Your Spell)

**JOSS**

You emerged from the shadows, with a queer scowl on your face.

Viewers would see just Brad now. Other characters only fill space

You'll win every fight, walk outside in broad daylight

**_JOSS_**_ opens the curtains now, baiting **BRAD** in sunlight. **BRAD** stands basking in the light as **JOSS** prances around him. Yes, he prances. _

**JOSS**

And say "Bloody Hell", then you'll bang Buffy

Rearrange continuity

And I'll just say "Oh Well"

Just pretend it's me,

While you two make sweet whoopee

**_JOSS_**_ stops prancing momentarily, and sits on a desk like Fran Fine would in "The Nanny"_

**JOSS**

Viewers will be enchanted

Good looks and bleached blond hair

The Scoobies took you for granted

But Wolfram and Hart really cares...

**_JOSS_**_ suddenly leaps from the desk and twirls in the air like the effeminize male skaters do and lands in front of the door, opening it.  We see through the main lobby of Wolfram and Hart, off the second floor. A single structure covered in a sheet stands in the middle of the lobby, rising two stories tall. The sheet starts to fall and we see it's a statue of **BRAD** _

**JOSS**

This is now your show, surely the ratings will grow,

When you say "Bloody Hell"

It all about you: the vampire with a soul number two

You even use hair gel. 

Similarities aren't few

So we'll switch Angel with you

I love you Bradley!

_We pan around **JOSS'** head as the screen gets blurry as they do in a dream sequence. As the image of  **JOSS** and **BRAD** blurs we wipe to a wedding. **BRAD** is in a tuxedo with his leather trench coat, and a rather portly bride is standing next to him, a veil covering her face. We see the minister marrying **BRAD** and his bride, but we so not hear anything but the "Ahhh" sound made in the original "Under Your Spell" when Tara and Willow are fooling around in bed. **BRAD** lifts the veil to see his bride for the first time, revealing **JOSS'** face _

**JOSS**

We no longer need to hide

What we both feel down inside

Just say "Bloody Hell"

While your kissing me

My dreams become reality

Your cooler then Angel

**_JOSS_**_ suddenly pulls a bed onto the screen and pulls **BRAD** on top of it with him. _

**JOSS**

Come to me Bradley, take me like you took Buffy!

The tensions relieved

(More "Ahhhh" ing )

The tensions relieved

The tensions relieved


End file.
